"Do unto others... as they want to be done by."

This is an old post from my now-defunct Myspace blog. I'm going to post some of the older postings in reverse chronological order to put a little meat on the bones of this puppy.

Originally posted on Friday, November 30, 2007.

It was a slow day at work. So I was discussing with my sister—who also holds an undergraduate degree in Philosophy and is therefore a big dork—the idea of the selfishness of the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is found in all the world's major religions, with minor modifications, of course. But the well-known Christian version presumes an all-knowing "rightness" in all of life's matters. "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you." In other words, treat others the way you'd like to be treated.

At least two philosophers have questioned the wisdom of such a self-centered philosophy: George Bernard Shaw and Karl Popper. Shaw writes, "Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same." And Popper writes, "The golden rule is a good standard which is further improved by doing unto others, wherever possible, as they want to be done by." (Yes, I totally yanked that off Wikipedia for ease of use.) Kant hints at the idea, I think, by saying you should never treat people merely as means. "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end and never merely as a means." (Immanuel Kant, Metaphysics of Morals). To the extent you do not use people merely as means to accomplish your own moral goals, you're probably letting them choose their own moral paths…

Reformulated, shouldn't a better Golden Rule really be, "Treat others the way they want to be treated"? Perhaps you want to have people jam Jesus down your throat, for example. But perhaps someone else finds such behavior presumptuous, rude, and, if he doesn't agree with your religious ideals, just plain wrong. When the Soviet Union collapsed, my mother's church sent preachers to help save the souls of the "godless" nation. Inflation was so rampant that the price of bread sometimes doubled from one day to the next. Thousands of preachers roamed the streets in search of souls to save. Meanwhile, I can only imagine that most of the people just wanted some freakin' bread. Perhaps what we wanted--to save their wretched commie souls--wasn't quite as important as giving them what they wanted--some freakin' Wonderbread.

Taking the time to assess what's really important to someone else and then treating that person in a manner consistent with their desires is surely a kinder, gentler approach to life than presuming that what I want, you too should want. It's a point all too often lost on those who are so firm in their beliefs that they'll sacrifice friendships and even family relationships to cling to the belief that it is their job to save the world… and all else be damned! As Jawaharlal Nehru put it, "Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us."