According to Illinois, I am a hazard to myself

This is an old post from my now-defunct Myspace blog. I'm going to post some of the older postings in reverse chronological order to put a little meat on the bones of this puppy.

Originally posted on Saturday, July 14, 2007.

I tried to go tanning to take a precious 20 minute break from studying. The lovely lady at the salon told me, "No." Why, you ask? Because I tanned less than 24 hours ago. Illinois law mandates that no one shall tan twice in the span of 24 hours. Gee, thanks for protecting me from, um, myself. I'm glad the geniuses in Springfield have nothing better to do than worry about the pigmentation of my skin. For you non-Land of Lincoln tanners, Illinois law also requires that you show the tanning attendant your goggles before you are permitted to tan. "Look, ma! I brought eye protection just like the statute requires!" As much as I love my cataract-free eyes, I sometimes want to strip nekkid, turn on the switch, and leave the goggles on the table near the tanning bed... just to stick it to The Man.

But after I was denied at the salon, it got me thinking about how I hate oppressive, retarded legislative attempts to save us from ourselves--like motorcycle helmet laws, for example. I do not own a motorized bike, and if I did, I'd wear a helmet, considering I rather enjoy my brain (and it's not paid off yet). But I support anyone's right to splatter their brains on the freeway. This is America, after all.

The trans fat ban that just went into effect in NYC--also lame. If I want to clog my arteries by the time I'm 30, that's my God-given right. Go USA!

However, I draw the line with kids. I think governments can--and should--ban fatty foods in public schools. (And make the little rugrats exercise too.) If you're under 18, you're an "infant" in the eyes of the law, and the state has a responsibility for your well being.

Once you turn 18, however, ride your motorcycle (helmetless) to the tanning salon and stop by the hot dog vendor on the way. That, my friends, is called freedom. And if you disagree, you want the terrorists to win. :)