I remember asking Mr. Deramo, my ninth grade American History teacher, how you know when you're old. He laughed, said that was an excellent question (which is probably why I remember this--stroke the ego! stroke the ego!), and told me that when he had daughters, he realized he didn't like their music. Hence: old. The world had changed and he was left in the dust.
I'm 29. If I had shacked up and spawned at 20, I'd have a 9 year-old girl by now. She'd probably be into the Jonas Brothers, which, let's be honest here, is really just a less talented New Kids On the Block.
But it's not just music. It's technology and fashion. I remember a time when I noticed all the nifty little trends. I may not have followed them, but I at least was aware they were around me. Yesterday, I got off the train and saw a bunch of kids with these technicolor sneakers. I looked in a store window: more technicolor sneakers. I kept looking as I walked down the street: more technicolor! Did this change overnight? Or was I asleep at the wheel?
And then there's Twitter. Dear God, for the life of me, I don't get Twitter. A friend of mine described it as "micro-blogging." But it's limited to 140 characters. Can anything important really be analyzed in 140 characters? Anything? I suppose I "get it" for little news snippets. But most people using it use it to update you on their mundane events: "I'm on the bus. Lady next 2 me smells like fish. Tee hee." Really? Is this what we've come to? Does anyone care? And if they do, shouldn't they find something better to spend their precious seconds of life caring about?
Twitter to me is sort of like the pretty blond girl with fake titties you all know--we'll call this hypothetical one "Miss California." She's dumb, she's fake, she's new cool kid on the block (aka Fox News guest host), but eventually people are going to realize she's as useless as the saline in her chest cavity. Of course, I could be entirely wrong and Twitter could be the new internal combustion engine. What would I know? I'm old. Oh, and get off my damn lawn, you kids!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
I Want You To Like Me When I Lose Too!
This is just precious: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/football/nfl/05/18/harrison-obama/index.html?cnn=yes
Oh, silly little football player. It's like Marilyn Manson sings, "They love you when you're on all the covers. When you're not, then they love another."
Oh, silly little football player. It's like Marilyn Manson sings, "They love you when you're on all the covers. When you're not, then they love another."
Friday, May 8, 2009
Hypocrisy
I had a sociology professor in college who wanted to take a novel approach to teaching us about homosexuality. He said, essentially, if you want to take verses out of context in the Bible and believe what you think they mean about gay people, fine. But you have to do it for everything. So right after you get to those good ole "abomination" verses, you had to read the other verses nearby. (Ignoring the fact that the Greek word for "abomination" that was used actually meant a ritual impurity that offended the Jewish Holiness Code--not a moral sin, which had its own Greek word if the Bible's original authors had intended for it to be a sin.) So... what else can't you do if you read those charming verses from Leviticus? Curse your mom or dad, screw a girl on her period, cut your hair on the sides (or your beard), eat pork, eat shellfish, and wear cotton/poly blend clothes. What can you do? Oh, that's right, buy slaves! The Bible is full of great ideas for 2009!
Besides Biblical cherry picking, several other things got me thinking about hypocrisy lately: Miss California, DC Councilman Marion Barry, and the new documentary outing gay politicians: Outrage.
Miss California is, as Perez Hilton put it, a dumb bitch. But she's not a dumb bitch because she's against gay marriage, nor is she a dumb bitch for telling a gay judge her beliefs and thereby possibly losing first place. She's a dumb bitch because she's a liar and a hypocrite. You see, Miss California had some professionally taken naughty pictures when she was a teen. Nothing wrong with that. Well, unless you lie and tell the Miss California officials that no such pictures exist. And when one trickles out, you lie again and say that it's "the only one," only for more to keep trickling out. Hmmmm. You see, that sort of violates your contract. I know you're blond, honey, so that's a big word, but what it means is this: you could lose your pretty little sash. You see, lying in a legal context can have consequences. That's one reason your God warns against it.
But Miss California didn't just lie, she also displayed one of the Bible's least favorite traits: hypocrisy. Even if you're not going to buy my schtick on what the Bible really says about homosexuality, you can sleep well at night knowing that the Bible says nothing about same-sex marriage. Nothing. Yet Miss California took it upon herself to become a crusader for keeping loving, consenting adults in legal limbo. Not very Christian, you see, especially when she violated the Bible's clear commandment about dressing like a hobag: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments." 1 Tim. 2:9. (Wonder if all those Southern Baptist ladies with their gaudy Sunday dresses have ever bothered to put down their mint juleps and read 1 Tim 2:9?)
To paraphrase the Book of Matthew: Those who throw Bibles at others should first pull the Bible out of their own ass... and read it. In Greek, preferably.
Then there's Marion Barry. Oh, Marion. You're too precious for words. Marion Barry is the former mayor of D.C. He is now the councilmember from the poorest district of D.C.: the Eighth Ward. Out of twelve D.C. city councilmembers, he was the only one to vote against an ordinance that would require the District to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions where they were legal. Then he gave a speech about how this is a moral issue and he was a "moral leader." However, as Jon Stewart rightly reminded us, this is the same Marion Barry who was caught in a hotel room--when he was the mayor--smoking crack with a prostitute. He famously said afterward, "Bitch set me up!"
I may not know much, but I do think that crackheads who cheat on their wives don't get to lecture the rest of us on what's moral or not. Oh well. Maybe he was high.
Finally, there's a new documentary coming out about those who do not... come out. It's about closeted gay politicians, but not just any closeted gay politicians. It's about the ones who vote against gay rights and then go back to their condos (or airport restrooms) and let it all hang out.
Since at least the dawn of the gay rights movement, there's been an ongoing debate about when--if ever--someone should be shoved out of the closet. On one hand, you have a right to personal privacy, and this is America, after all: the Land of Rugged Individualism. On the other hand, you have a duty to your community, to those like you, and perhaps most importantly to those who come after you, so that they do not have to endure the struggles you have endured.
There was a time when I thought people should be forcibly outed for "the good of the cause." But then I had friends in college who had lost everything when they came out: family, friends, and financial support. I know people who have lost inheritances. I know people who have been ex-communicated from their churches. Personally, I've suffered family fallout from fundamentalist family members who have forgotten the second greatest commandment is "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Matt 22:37-40. Coming out is a highly personal decision when you're a private figure. But when you're a public figure, things change.
Thus, it is with much thought that I subscribed to the Barney Frank theory of outing a few months ago: "I think there's a right to privacy. But the right to privacy should not be a right to hypocrisy. And people who want to demonize other people, shouldn't then be able to close the door and go home and do it themselves."
Miss California, Marion Barry, and all the gay closeted Republican politicians out there: chew on that for a bit. (Pssst... and Miss Cali, put some clothes on, you trashy tart! Jesus is watching!)
Besides Biblical cherry picking, several other things got me thinking about hypocrisy lately: Miss California, DC Councilman Marion Barry, and the new documentary outing gay politicians: Outrage.
Miss California is, as Perez Hilton put it, a dumb bitch. But she's not a dumb bitch because she's against gay marriage, nor is she a dumb bitch for telling a gay judge her beliefs and thereby possibly losing first place. She's a dumb bitch because she's a liar and a hypocrite. You see, Miss California had some professionally taken naughty pictures when she was a teen. Nothing wrong with that. Well, unless you lie and tell the Miss California officials that no such pictures exist. And when one trickles out, you lie again and say that it's "the only one," only for more to keep trickling out. Hmmmm. You see, that sort of violates your contract. I know you're blond, honey, so that's a big word, but what it means is this: you could lose your pretty little sash. You see, lying in a legal context can have consequences. That's one reason your God warns against it.
But Miss California didn't just lie, she also displayed one of the Bible's least favorite traits: hypocrisy. Even if you're not going to buy my schtick on what the Bible really says about homosexuality, you can sleep well at night knowing that the Bible says nothing about same-sex marriage. Nothing. Yet Miss California took it upon herself to become a crusader for keeping loving, consenting adults in legal limbo. Not very Christian, you see, especially when she violated the Bible's clear commandment about dressing like a hobag: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments." 1 Tim. 2:9. (Wonder if all those Southern Baptist ladies with their gaudy Sunday dresses have ever bothered to put down their mint juleps and read 1 Tim 2:9?)
To paraphrase the Book of Matthew: Those who throw Bibles at others should first pull the Bible out of their own ass... and read it. In Greek, preferably.
Then there's Marion Barry. Oh, Marion. You're too precious for words. Marion Barry is the former mayor of D.C. He is now the councilmember from the poorest district of D.C.: the Eighth Ward. Out of twelve D.C. city councilmembers, he was the only one to vote against an ordinance that would require the District to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions where they were legal. Then he gave a speech about how this is a moral issue and he was a "moral leader." However, as Jon Stewart rightly reminded us, this is the same Marion Barry who was caught in a hotel room--when he was the mayor--smoking crack with a prostitute. He famously said afterward, "Bitch set me up!"
I may not know much, but I do think that crackheads who cheat on their wives don't get to lecture the rest of us on what's moral or not. Oh well. Maybe he was high.
Finally, there's a new documentary coming out about those who do not... come out. It's about closeted gay politicians, but not just any closeted gay politicians. It's about the ones who vote against gay rights and then go back to their condos (or airport restrooms) and let it all hang out.
Since at least the dawn of the gay rights movement, there's been an ongoing debate about when--if ever--someone should be shoved out of the closet. On one hand, you have a right to personal privacy, and this is America, after all: the Land of Rugged Individualism. On the other hand, you have a duty to your community, to those like you, and perhaps most importantly to those who come after you, so that they do not have to endure the struggles you have endured.
There was a time when I thought people should be forcibly outed for "the good of the cause." But then I had friends in college who had lost everything when they came out: family, friends, and financial support. I know people who have lost inheritances. I know people who have been ex-communicated from their churches. Personally, I've suffered family fallout from fundamentalist family members who have forgotten the second greatest commandment is "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Matt 22:37-40. Coming out is a highly personal decision when you're a private figure. But when you're a public figure, things change.
Thus, it is with much thought that I subscribed to the Barney Frank theory of outing a few months ago: "I think there's a right to privacy. But the right to privacy should not be a right to hypocrisy. And people who want to demonize other people, shouldn't then be able to close the door and go home and do it themselves."
Miss California, Marion Barry, and all the gay closeted Republican politicians out there: chew on that for a bit. (Pssst... and Miss Cali, put some clothes on, you trashy tart! Jesus is watching!)
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