"When do you get to that point of 'enough is enough?'"

There is a scene toward the end of the movie The Mexican where Julia Roberts turns to Brad Pitt and asks, "If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?"

Brad responds, "Never."

It makes for good cinema. But it doesn't make for good advice. Love is patient; love is kind. But unlike a diamond, love isn't forever.

Ten years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend by saying the most horrible words that can escape a boyfriend's lips, "You don't love me." A year or two later, I called him--in tears--apologizing. How on Earth could I accuse him of something he did or did not feel? I'm not him. I cannot possibly know that. What I meant to say--and what I have learned to say--is that he didn't love me the way I needed to be loved. That's not only the "right" thing to say, it also has the benefit of being non-accusatory.

We all need certain things in a relationship. On some things, we cannot compromise. Those are the bedrock qualities that makes us who we are. Indeed, they're the very things we cannot change even for the sake of another's affection. It's the "you" you'll cease to be if you budge. And then on other things, we can compromise. This the beautiful gray area where we grow by loving another.

When a relationship must end is when you look at your bedrock and realize it's been chipped away or that you're being asked for it to be chipped away. Because when you lose yourself, what else have you got? What do you really need? Are you getting it? Will you get it?

Julia asks Brad, ""If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?"

Brad should have responded, "When one person realizes that the other is not loving him the way he needs to be loved."